Confidence as a Parent; How it Affects Your Child

Parents are the guiding hands, providers, and teachers for their children at any age. You are showing them how to engage with the world authentically. You are their first interaction with an adult, and most likely are the adult they have the most interactions with. How you choose to act around your child, and what you explicitly teach them will affect their perceptions of themselves and how to behave as an adult. Confidence breeds confidence.

But what is the confidence we are talking about? Confidence as a parent? Confidence as a person? Confidence in your decisions? All of the above. Having confidence in your actions and yourself creates a powerful backdrop for kids to learn about themselves and express authentically who they are. To be a confident parent, does not mean you don’t make mistakes, it doesn’t mean you can’t doubt yourself, it also doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. Having confidence teaches you, and your child, the importance of mistakes, learning from them and staying true to yourself.

Below is a list of ways one could be a confident parent, along with examples:

• Having your own hobbies and passions

Just as kids have passions and things they like to do, as should you. Engage in activities that bring you joy and a sense of completion or accomplishment. Modeling this behavior for your kids invites them to engage more with their own passions. If you like to read this could inspire your child to read more. Engaging in a hobby on your own can help grant confidence for your child to try to find their own hobbies.

• Setting boundaries of what is and is not okay, and explicitly stating them

Sharing thoughts and emotions freely, along with stated boundaries for one’s self, provides space for others to form their own respectful boundaries and understanding of each other. Stating that you are not comfortable with your child using the oven when they are home alone for their safety, provides an opportunity for your child to understand personal decision making, and have confidence in these decisions.

• Be able to be flexible with rules at times, and explaining why

Not all rules will be followed perfectly every time. Being adaptable and able to change the rules as needed, for the occasion, helps children understand that flexibility in their decisions is a path toward growth. This also inspired them to have the confidence to examine, implement, and embrace change when it comes their way.

• Owning up to mistakes, and making a clear effort to learn from them

Mistakes are a part of life; teaching your child and modeling how mistakes are opportunities to learn will not only help their decision making, but also boost their self-esteem. Knowing that making a mistake is not the “end of the world,” and that adults make mistakes too, is an important lesson in a child’s growing confidence and understanding of others.

• Celebrating not only others’ successes, but your own

Take pride in yourself. To be proud of one’s self and one’s accomplishments creates space for confidence to bloom. Not only will the praise of others boost a person’s self-esteem and confidence but empowering yourself can have an even stronger impact. Celebrating when there is success creates a space of pride that can be remembered later on when experiences may not be so bright. Also, praise efforts- not just accomplishments. Trying is a form of success itself.

• Trusting yourself in your decisions

There are so many options and outcomes to each and every situation you can consider when making a decision. How can you know you made the ‘right’ one? Trusting yourself that you made the best decision you could with the information you had shows your child that trusting the process is part of trusting themselves.

• Be constructive and kind in your criticisms (of yourself and others)

Nothing can tear confidence down like judgment; but without constructive criticism people may have a harder time growing their skills, expectations, and expanding on these traits. Children are constantly receiving feedback from different sources: school, home, friends, extracurriculars, even themselves! You, as a parent, can teach your child how to take criticism with a growth mindset, and how to provide kind and constructive criticisms to others. These lessons will not only help your child in their interactions with the world but also their inner thoughts and self image.

• Meet your kids where they are on their journeys and grow with them

As toddlers become school-aged, and then tweens, and then teens, they spark more and more independence and start choosing their own paths. Meeting them where they are at in their journey develops their confidence in themselves and their choices.

• Teaching and showing that you don’t have to be perfect

Finally, you don’t have to be perfect- in fact it is nearly impossible to be perfect! Showing your kids your honest and authentic self, owning up to mistakes, and explaining your actions helps your child come to understand the world through a lens that perfection is not the goal- authenticity is.

Your interactions with your child throughout their life has deep implications on their inner thoughts, actions and reactions, and the way they engage with others. While a child is developing their sense of autonomy and authenticity they will be basing it off of the adults around them, especially their parent(s) or guardian(s). So take confidence in yourself, there is a lot to be proud of in your child’s journey.