Friendships that Empower your Tween

Friends should be a good influence on your child, positively enforcing their growth with comradery. For this blog we will not be talking about peer pressure, cliques, and dangerous situations that can arise in friend groups (although those are important to consider too). Here we are talking about your tween finding their identity and empowerment from their closest peer support groups- their friends. 

In moments of self reflection I believe many of us would be able to recall a childhood best friend and the interactions we had with them. Were we supported in our ideas? Was our presentation of selfhood affirmed? Were we empowered to be leaders and followers? Were we granted the freedom in our friend groups to explore who we were and to grow together (or apart)? 

I think back to meeting my best friend from kindergarten, ever since then we were stuck together like glue all the way up through high school. I even attended her wedding this past year! Her influence on me helped me form an understanding of who I was then I was young and I am today- and I would hope the same goes for her. As a child I was always outspoken, and took on leadership roles but my friends helped me learn how to be a follower at times; like when learning how to play a new card game. They also taught me how to be adventurous; by learning about different hobbies and fandoms and sharing them amongst each other. But, most importantly, they helped affirm my personhood and my ability to grow into who I was then and who I am now. I was empowered by the friendships I had and some that I still have! 

Being empowered by a friend could look like any or all of the following: 

1. Sharing interests with each other  

2. A ‘passing of the torch’ for leadership opportunities 

3. Praising one another in their achievements 

4. Being supportive when feeling down due to perceived failures 

5. Helping explore questions of identity and passions

6. Creating space for curiosity and world exploration 

7. Honest dialogue, especially in moments of tension 

8. Respecting each other's decisions, the yes and the no 

9. Learning compromise in decision making 

10. Having open space for self expression 

Friendships are important at any age, but developing kids and tween should have these interactions to help them form the soft skills of communication, understanding how to interact with community values, and knowing how to self-reflect and grow. Friends, even if they don’t stay forever, are crucial factors in your child’s development. Making space and dialogue for budding relationships in your child’s life, especially involving their peer groups, will help them grow into a more empowered adult later in life.