Growth and Development of Tweens (Ages 9-12)

The growth and development of tweens is a fast-paced course of change that can send any parent into a whirl; with a rapidly developing sense of independence and autonomy, tweens are in a constant state of change. (Note that the following developments can start earlier or later depending on the growth and environment of the child.) Tweens have an unique experience as they interact with the world. Settling on the line between teen and child, the tween (Ages 9-12 years old) is yearning for autonomy and responsibility but still needs the guiding hands of parents or guardians to adapt their learning and choices. A tween’s growth and development is in constant fluctuation and knowing what to expect can help. 

The Social

Social life has a huge effect on your child and their development. The attachment to peers and their opinions is important as tweens start to form a social understanding of each other. Friends become more attached to one another and form smaller circles of friends. This being said there is a lot more peer pressure as tweens start to recognize the social boundaries, expectations and hierarchies around them. This can affect their mental image of themselves and their actions. Tweens may start to value the opinions of their peers more than their parents due to these peer pressures. Parents and guardians will need to be available to help their tween through the tween friend drama as well as helping their tween assert their choices and sense of self. 

• More Susceptible to Peer Pressure

• Closer and Stronger Relationships with Friends 

• Recognize Social Rules and Expectations 

• Recognition of Self and Other 

• Forming of Values and Morals 

• Development of Social Anxieties 
  

The Mind

Tweens will also start to seek more independence from their parents- asserting their autonomy and trying to engage with more responsibility. Tweens may want to start staying home alone, run their own mini side gig such as mowing or snow shoveling, they may want to have more privacy because of their perceived ‘older-ness.’ Tweens can recognize they are no longer little kids and aspire to grow in their soon to be role of teens. Their cognition starts to become more aware of the repercussions of their actions on their environment and other people around them. These stepping stones of tweens while still needing assistance from parents or guardians to guide them and advise them is prevalent. 

• Seeking Independence 

• Mental Image of Self 

• Perceiving themselves as “older”

• Wanting More Responsibility 

• Aware of Consequences 

• Self-Identity 

The Emotions 

Tweens will start to experience and express new emotions and in new ways. They are able to have more empathy and understand what others may feel more concretely and these celebrations or sympathies will drastically affect how your tween interacts with others. Their sensitivity to events and their building of expectations brings fluctuation to their emotions. Tweens may not be in full control of their emotional spectrum at all times. This emotional rollercoaster also affects their decision making abilities and processes. Unfortunately, tying into their sensitivity to peer pressure can make forming a sense of self identity messy.  Supporting a tween in their own individual decisions, passions and helping them experience their emotions and express them is very beneficial for growing tweens.

• Strong Emotional Outbreaks/Moodiness/Lashing Out

• Growth of Understanding and Empathy

• Sensitive to Own Emotions and Emotions of Others

• Drive for Autonomy 

• Increased Expression of Self

• Change in Decision Making Processes '

The Body 

With tweens paying more attention to their environment they will also notice they are changing themselves. They will start to notice differences in their physical appearance. Although there is much more going on under the surface. Many of these bodily changes, called puberty, happen in what feels like overnight where they appear to be a child then the next day a young teen. Some of the changes are the growth and development of different body parts, height, voice, acne, hair, and with their hormones are in constant flux it can feel as if your child is now someone new- and in a sense they are. They are growing into themselves, even if it is a bit awkward at first. This is the time to talk to your tween about their growth, their body, the changes they are experiencing and the feelings  surrounding those aspects of their life. 

• Rapid Height Growth

• Vocal Changes 

• Appearance of Secondary Sex Characteristics

• Appearance of Acne 

• Bodily Hair Growth 

• Start of Menstrual Cycles  

Being a tween is being in a state of constant change. They are becoming more aware of and interacting with the social cues and rules that surround them. Also, they are trying to make sense of themselves and their own bodies as it feels like their entire world shifts. Being there for your child and soon-to-be teenager is what is best for them. They will make mistakes, they will do great things, and they will be unsure of themselves. Parents and guardians are there to help advise and teach, celebrate, and provide space for independence while being on the sidelines for support if they want or need it. Growing as a tween is hard, finding a sense of self and personhood, but parents and guardians are great allies and friends as they develop.